I found this piece of advice in Good Housekeeping, and they had actually pulled it from one of their issues from 1940!
Most of the response that I received I was actually surprised by. I mostly thought I would get a lot of "Oh that's so true" and "I totally agree!" type of responses, but got a lot of "Oh, that's me" responses instead.
So let me expand on this thought a little. Let's think back to before we were married: how often did we have days where we didn't get dressed, didn't shower, didn't wear make-up? I really hope the overwhelming answer is hardly ever. We were either working or going to school, and we wanted to make good impressions so we tried to look our best.
Fast forward to marriage before kids: how often did we have days where we didn't get dressed, didn't shower, didn't wear make-up? Again, mostly likely almost never for the same reasons. We had to go out and about during our newlywed days, whether to work or school or church, and we tried to look our best.
So here we are now: married for however many years, a number of kids later, and probably a number of pounds later. Why should anything change now? A lot of moms work, and I can tell you that they find time to get themselves ready every day. So for those of us who stay at home, what is our excuse?
Most of the responses I received were about time. That you just don't have time. But when I say "get ready" I don't mean spending 2 hours on ourselves to look as if we were going to prom or something. It simply means clean clothes, hair done (yes, even if it means a ponytail), some make up on! That's it! It can take as little as 5 minutes to do all that! I don't know a single mom who can't find 5 minutes to do that during the course of her day, no matter how many kids you have or how busy you think you are.
Now I have the feeling that some of you who are reading this are saying to yourselves "Well of course YOU have time to get ready, you only have 1 kid!" While that is true, let me tell you that I would find the time to get ready if I had 20 kids. Or maybe you think I just haven't been married long enough. Well, when I am in a nursing home with my husband, and I need help for everything, I can tell you I will be having my nurses brush my hair and slap some lipstick on me until the day that I die (and even then, I'll be wearing make up in the grave).
For my most important point in this point: why is this so important to me?
To be honest, I'm not sure why I feel so strongly about this, but I really do. Our husbands are going throughout their day, and they have eyes, so they can't help but see. And what do they see? Most likely it is co-workers or people they do business with, and all of those women, I can almost guarantee it, have their hair done, make-up on and are dressed nicely. Now why should this matter? They are married to us and therefore chose us for a reason. But tell me, at what point in your life did they choose you? When you were paying attention and taking care of yourself! They didn't marry the woman in sweatpants with baby spit-up on their shirt. And while they still love you despite that, is that something you necessarily would want to cuddle up with at night?
My whole point is this: I think as a wife, it is our job to take care of our husbands. And one way to do that is to take care of ourselves. It is my honest opinion that when you do this, you feel better about yourself and actually do a better job at being a wife and mom. Trust me when I say, your husband will appreciate the effort as well (even if that effort means throwing on clean clothes and a dab of lipstick 5 minutes before he walks into the door).
**Please feel free to share your opinions and comments with me. I will not be offended if you disagree, and also e-mail me if you would like to discuss this further (e-mail is on my sidebar).**
9 comments:
I do agree for the most part. I will go even further and say, that people need to look decent when going out in public too, not just at home! While working retail, there were so many people that came in with nasty hair, and mismatched clothes, and nursing moms with out bras (even some women with out kids not wearing bras!) and so on. I am not one to wear makeup unless I am going to church or want to look a little more dressed up, but I do agree with at least attempting to look clean and presentable. I normally do the pony tail and t-shirt look most days, because I want to be comfortable, but it wouldn't hurt to go above and beyond that look once in a while!
I know this can be a touchy subject, but I totally agree. Our husbands want to come home to the cute girls they married. When I get dressed just for Paul, I am sending him the message that I still care what he thinks of me.
I admit that its easier for me to scrub floors and chase toddlers in sweats than jeans, but at the very least I change into something more figure-flattering to go out in or when Paul comes home.
I don't know who would disagree with you. I think the only type of people that disagree are lazy people. You should always care about how you look. I too am right there with you. I will not go one day without putting on makeup. There have been days that we knew we were going to spend the entire day at home and I'll still put it on. Kelly will ask me why and I say it's for me...and for him. I am one of those that puts my hair up in ponytails if I don't have time...and that's one thing I wish I could change but there are days that I just don't have time to do anything else....but it's always clean...as well as my clothes. I think every woman should have a little pride with how they look.
Another thing I think of is...how would I feel if my husband let himself totally go. He does his best to look good for me and vice versa. Also, I am a SAHM....he goes to work every day and sees lots of other women who dress up and take care of themselves. I don't ever want him to say...I wish my wife took the time. Just because someones husband doesn't say that to their wife DOESN'T mean that they never think it. Women who let themselves go think that their husbands should just accept them. We should work as hard as we can for our husbands. They love us and some of them will never stray no matter how fat and ugly we get, lol. But why give them an excuse to look elsewhere? We should always try by putting on makeup if that's something you do every day and look "presentable"...not perfect, but presentable.
I mostly agree with you. I "get ready" in the same way I always have. I never wore makeup, therefore I still never wear it. I do always make sure I look clean and nice though. I personally don't see the point in makeup and honestly, Alex doesn't really like it when I wear it. So I guess it works for me because Alex and I have the same opinion about it.
I definitely agree! My aunt gets ready everyday no matter what, even when she's on her death bed sick, and when I asked her why, she told me the same thing you said "I want to look good for my husband". Plus, I think if you look nice for your husband, he will want to look nice for you too. I think it's important to look nice for yourself as well, to feel good about yourself and to put your best foot forward.
I totally agree and think not only does getting all dolled up get my husbands attention but makes me feel better about myself. I always want to feel beautiful so why not take the extra five minutes to look just a little nicer. Plus I know for myself the days I don't shower it takes me longer to get ready so why not go all out from the beginning. I'm no expert at this subject in fact I'm a total tom boy but I'm discovering my girly side and both MIke and I are loving it!
I agree with you. Although for the first week or so I bring a new baby home from the hospital, I am pretty much a mess, and would rather sleep when I have a spare second. But after that first week or two I do my absolute best to make sure I am showered, dressed, and have make-up and my hair done every day. Uaually that means letting Kaelyn make a mess of our bathroom while I get ready, but oh-well!! :) I admit there have been some days I am putting on make up and getting dressed 20 minutes before I know Paul will be home. But I think everybody has those days from time to time. I still want him to find me attractive, and I think it is important for me to feel good about myself too. So, I totally agree with you!!!
I think the word: AMEN, will sum it up nicely! :)
WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND DOESN'T AGREE?? I guess right mind would be the factor though huh cause the women who don't agree must have lost it. I totally loved your makeup in the grave line...LOL...that was the greatest! I too will have a lifeitme supply of makeup buried with me. Come on laides have some self respect just cause you're a Momma doesn't mean you can't be a HOT MAMA! ;)
I will admit, I was one of those moms that said, "I'm guilty of that from time to time." I do agree with you for the most part, but some women do not wear makeup every day (or at all) and it's not because we are lazy. There may be more important things that get in the way like screaming kids, homework, spills, running out the door for an appointment we overslept for, etc. Those extra 5 minutes to put on a dab of makeup may not take long, but they can be hard to find on some days... meaning other things are more important and I never get back to the bathroom to realize I got sidetracked that day. With a 2 yr old and a newborn, I'm lucky I can get a shower every day before my husband gets home (and I do, but I have to get creative sometimes). Frankly, makeup is just not a priority to me and never has been.
If a man is going to stray, he's going to stray... and it's going to be his own fault. The reason I say this is because there may be some women out there whose husbands have left them and they're going to think it's their fault.
Yes I shower and have clean clothes every day, but I do not wear makeup every day, nor do I think I should. When I was dating my husband before kids and worked, there were days I didn't wear makeup either. I'm not quite sure how important this would be to my husband, because when I ask him, he says I look pretty every day and he really doesn't care. He says all he cares about is that we are all safe and happy when he gets home.
In fact, it frustrates me sometimes, but he usually compliments me on the days that I don't go overboard to do my hair and makeup. If I don't "do" my hair, it's in a ponytail, but those are the days he says "You look nice!" I don't know why and I think it could be reverse psychology :-) but he truly thinks I'm beautiful no matter what. It makes me feel good.
I think we should care to look presentable whether we are married or not and whether we wear makeup or not. We should care because we love ourselves and not worry what other people think. I have bad days, especially when my babies are newborns when I'm tired, wornout, and just beyond any care in the world because of the lack of sleep I've had. But those days are few and far between, and extremely temporary.
Lastly, since your FB post, I have made more of an effort and tried harder to do a little something extra and I thank you for your insight. I also try harder to keep the house cleaner and the laundry and dishes caught up. Those days I feel better whether my husband ever comments or not, because I knew I did my SAHM "job" the best I could that day. If I were getting paid for my "job", there are days I'd get written up or fired! :) That's another blog though isn't it?
Amanda, you are beautiful and you are a wonderful wife and mother. I hope it's okay that I posted my opinion even though this is YOUR blog :) Thank you for allowing me to do so!
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